One of the most meaningful activities I engaged in as a residential hospice volunteer was singing to the residents. I wasn’t an official music volunteer nor was I a music therapist. I just love to sing and I have a huge repertoire of songs, from hymns to country and western favourites. I often sang to people who were anxious and finding it hard to settle down or go to sleep. Sometimes I sang to a person who was in their final days or hours and no longer responsive. I hoped that the music might reach deep inside and help them with their journey.
Recently I received a book by another hospice volunteer – someone who plays the guitar and rarely sings along. His book, The Music Between Us: Memoir of a Bedside Musician, is both a memoir and an account of his experiences playing at the bedsides of people in the final stages of their lives.
Steve Litwer, the author, visits people in their homes, in long term care facilities, and in hospitals. He brings along his guitar, and asks each person (or their family members) what sort of music they enjoy. Sometimes he will have only one visit before the client dies. On other occasions, he is able to make several visits, deepening the connection with each successive visit.
His visits with people living with dementia are especially moving. As research has shown, music can serve as an access point to memories that are not normally available to the person with dementia. But hearing a tune from a key period of their lives can rekindle memories and the person will sing the lyrics of songs, despite the fact that they have not spoken in months or even years. It’s an experience that’s rewarding for both the client and the musician as he watches the person come alive with the joy of music.
Each chapter of the book centres on the story of a particular client. Titles like “The Unlikely Hippie,” “All Blues Ain’t Blue,” and “Fifteen Pieces of Advice for the Living” provide humour and insight into the story Steve is about to tell.
As the title suggests, the book is also a memoir of Steve’s life, from his hardscrabble and abusive childhood, to his decades of wandering, avoiding intimacy, and lashing out. Over the course of the book, we read about Steve’s embrace of Christianity and his coming to understand the impact his upbringing had had on his ability to trust other people. After he retired, Steve chose hospice volunteering as a guitar player to give back to people. What he learned will be familiar to those who have volunteered in hospice – we benefit at least as much from our time with clients as they do with us. Lessons on the meaning of life, on intimacy and relationships, and on pathways to joy are among the benefits that Steve received from the people he visited.
For those readers who love music as much as I do, Steve’s book provides a broad sweep across the decades of the 20th century, as clients selected music that was meaningful to them in their lives. From the big bands of the ballroom era, to Elvis Presley, the Beatles, and the hippie era, the author plays the music of their lives, and, in doing so, unearths memories of youth, dancing, and and joy to accompany his clients on their journey. For those who subscribe to Spotify, the music is available on the author’s website. to enhance your enjoyment of the book.
This book would be a welcome addition to the libraries of hospice services where volunteers, staff, and families can learn about the role of music in people’s lives.
Looks like a great book. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks, Lisa. I hope you are doing well and keeping safe.
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