I passed by an ambulette truck today whose driver was operating the lift to help a man in his wheelchair into the vehicle. The man in the wheelchair had what appeared to be his wife, friend, or family member with him. I overheard the man, his friend, and the driver having a wonderful conversation about living each day to the fullest and how short life can be.
I have met so many amazing people during my caregiving journey.
It was truly heartwarming to see what I imagined to be 3 strangers so deeply engaged with each other. I flashed on all the people I met during my caregiving journeys and all the times I experienced similar circumstances when I was caring for my Mom and Dad. I ran across so many people giving amazing service to the people I loved and cared for and had some of the best conversations in my life.
From ambulance drivers to nurses, aides, doctors, cashiers, custodians, attendants, managers, and supervisors, hundreds of caring strangers came across my path. Since I am a rather loud, outgoing personality who inherited the gift of gab from my Irish Grandfather, this was like heaven to me. I got to hang out constantly with tons of new people.
When we connect, we invest in each other.
What I quickly came to understand, was that not only was this fun and interesting to me, it was also a blessing. It afforded me a chance to connect with the very people I needed on a very serious level to provide extraordinary service to my parents and me. This took my more bees with honey attitude up more than a few notches. It allowed me to get to know and establish a relationship with people who then became more invested in my family and their care simply because they felt a connection to us. I felt the connection too, and by getting to know each other and sharing stories, we were threading our lives together.
I love the saying that we are all just walking each other home. I find that so true. Reaching out, connecting, and being heard is a glorious way to travel through life and the safest way to find our way home in the care of each other.
Sharing our stories brings us closer together.
Don’t miss out. Remember to notice and acknowledge the angels standing right in front of you as you travel through your caregiving journey. It’s those very angels who quietly go about their job helping you that might have the most interesting and wonderful tale to tell you. They might also need to hear something from you that could help them brush off their wings and keep flying. Don’t underestimate the power and beauty of human connection. Be open and ready to experience it. Everyone around you will be blessed.
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Hi Sue. I haven’t been in touch at all since my Mom passed over two years ago now. Boy the time has gone by so fast. I just decided out of the blue to look at your blog and look what you are talking about now. This is very apropos because you might not guess what I’ve been up to. Well, I have become a “professional” caregiver. What do you know! Caring for Mom was one thing but doing it for perfect strangers? I hadn’t thought of it. But after Mom passed I decided that Covid be damned! My age be damned! I had to go back to work. I’m still too “young” to tolerate being “retired.” So, two years ago I started looking to see what I could do for work now. I definitely didn’t want to return to the stress and hassle of what I did in my previous life. So I put out some feelers on a couple of jobsites. And you know how conventional wisdom says that you have to explain the “gaps” in your work history? Since I had a huge gap, I explained that I had been doing personal home care for a family member. The response was crazy! I got all these job offers from home care agencies. At first I kept saying no, but after being pestered with phone calls from one particular home care company, I finally agreed to meet with them for coffee. They talked me into trying it. And now two years later I’m still at it. I have my three regular ladies, two of whom are in their ninties and the youngest one who is eighty-four. Then I take fill in shifts for my other co-workers here and there. And guess what? My ladies have become my new best friends. I go to their places and cook wonderful meals for them. We listen to music. (My ninety-four year old loves music but cannot remember how to turn her CD player on, so she waits for me to come three days a week to listen with her. We take walks outside through the beautiful landscaped gardens in the senior place where she lives and I tell her the names of each of the flowers and plants she looks at. And the next time we walk I tell her the names again, because by then she has forgotten them. They tell me about their lives when they were young girls and young women. My one lady tells me about how she loved to go to dances when she was young and the places she traveled to see. My other lady makes things for me like bookmarks and little pins. She is still very creative. She was a photographer when she was young and did thirty-five millimeter photography. Her old cameras don’t work anymore and she gets so frustrated with that “damn” new digital camera her daughter bought her two years ago for Christmas because she can’t understand how to use it. “What do you mean there’s no film” she says. “Where are the pictures?” Almost Everytime I’m there at some point we discuss the “digital electronics revolution” and how it has made making a phone call, taking a photo or turning the TV or DVD on and off. We agree that it’s a mystery and then I do it for them. But the best thing is that for the most part these ladies feel joy in their daily lives. Talking with them you can see their younger selves from years ago. And you know what? A lot of the time they even make me feel young again. I take care of them. I do what they can no longer do for themselves. I keep them company and they keep me company. They worry about me. And I worry about them. They tell me to drive carefully when I am leaving and tell me how happy they are to see me when I arrive at their doors. So what can I say, except that hanging out with my ladies has been a surprisingly joyful development. In a way they have done as much or maybe more for me than I have done for them. They’ve sort of become my new family. That’s why your June blog hit a familiar note with me. So thanks for what you said about the people who help.
Wow! What a powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing it. I am so happy for you. You were such a wonderful daughter caring for your Mom. The caregiving journey is such an extraordinary experience and where it takes us astonishing. You are a true Caregiver Warrior and such an inspiration. So many others will be inspired by this. Much love.
What an incredible story Adele. So nice to hear a positive outcome from a challenging experience. Kudos to you for getting back into caregiving after after your mom passed. I don’t think I would have the energy. But there are many skills that emerge when caring for our loved ones. (Stuff they just can’t teach in nursing school). Congratulations Warrior, you’re an inspiration to us all.
I second that! What a wonderful service!