My story begins when I was 6 years old. I was living in a violent world surrounded by chaos and alcoholism. My father had been a Navy medic in the Korean and Vietnam wars and was suffering from PTSD, nightmares, and sleepless nights.
But I have fond memories of staying up late with him and watching classic shows like Car 54, Where Are You? and M.A.S.H. I always asked him questions about the medical stuff; I knew even at that age what I wanted to do.
Seeing action before second grade
One day I was at my friend's house jumping on a trampoline in the backyard, which faced a busy, four-way traffic stop. A small truck ran a red light and went speeding straight into a car that was turning left. The truck kept going, but the car got spun around. A baby girl -- still in her car seat -- somehow was ejected from the car. The baby and car seat landed right side up in a large tire on the corner near the fence of the backyard where I was playing.
At 6 years old, I was probably less than four feet tall, but I jumped over that fence and ran to check on the baby. She was crying and scared but seemed fine. I ran to check on the woman who was still in the car, which had come to a stop in the middle of the street.
The woman's left arm, nearly severed, was dangling from the car door. She was barely conscious. I yelled at my friend to call 911 and grab a blanket, while I tied the woman's scarf around her upper arm. I stayed with her while someone else tended to the baby. This was the day I knew that emergency medicine was where I wanted to be. But I also knew that it wasn't going to be easy.
Struggles and successes
Over the years, I dealt with my parents' alcoholism and the resulting violence. We moved around a lot. Because of the chaos in my home, I ended up with foster families in several states. I never stayed in one place for more than a few months, so I could never stay in a school for very long.
Eventually, I lost my mother to alcoholism when I was 10.
I didn't do very well in school and didn't intend to. I couldn't keep up with my classmates and didn't care much until I got to high school.
I couldn't afford nursing school or medical school, so I joined the military like my father. But I became pregnant, and I had to make a choice. Even though I scored very high on the assessment test for the Air Force, I chose to have my baby. I dropped out of school and had my baby before I turned 18.
By age 20, I had three children and found myself in the same position as my mother -- using alcohol and living in a violent home. My husband never got a grip on his issues, and I was lost in the idea that this lifestyle was normal. When I finally decided to get off this destructive path, I made plans to divorce and move to California with my three small children. I went back to school to get my GED, and from there I got into nursing school. I knew this was the only chance my children had to have a good life.
I graduated as a CNA in 1994, as a licensed vocational nurse in 1997, and I earned my associate's degree in nursing in 2000. At that point in my life, I had five children and worked two jobs. I realized I wasn't prepared to take the boards. I took the NCLEX three times and finally became an RN in 2018. I earned my bachelor's degree in 2020. Now, I'm working on my MSN/FNP degree.
My son passed away in December 2020. Through all of my struggles, he was a force that pushed me to get to where I am, instead of giving up along the way.
I worked in urgent care for 21 years and held other jobs at the same time in family practice, specialty services, long-term care, hospitals, and home health. I also helped open two businesses. I've worked as a nurse manager and an assistant director of nursing, and I'm currently a director of nursing in a post-acute facility.
Memory lane
It’s amazing how many places a nursing career can take you and how the patients make every struggle worth it.
I remember the beautiful little girl who immediately won my heart with her big brown eyes and locks of brown hair. I saw her every week when she arrived for cancer treatments. I was devastated when she passed away just before her ninth birthday, but she had made quite an impact in her short life. Hundreds of people like me attended her beautiful funeral. I think about her all the time, how brave she was and how she taught me to be brave for the children who needed my support and strength.
I remember the father of a fellow nursing student and coworker. I was taking care of him when the monitor began to go crazy with ventricular arrhythmias. He quickly started to slip away. I prayed and searched for answers in my head as I performed CPR, but I couldn’t revive him. I cried in the closet for a good 30 minutes before coming to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could do for him except be there for his daughter.
I remember the 48-year-old man from the urgent care clinic, with the cancer diagnosis. He would need to begin treatment immediately. Ten years later, I got to hold his hand while he told me the story of his recovery and a blessing — a kidney transplant.
I remember the 34-year-old woman with alcohol use disorder, who came to urgent care seeking help. I hydrated her every week as she tried to get better. We’d often talk about her two young children. For weeks, I encouraged her to get more help so she could be with them, but she passed away a few weeks later. Over the years her family would come visit me. They wanted to see the nurse who had sat by her side and offered love and prayer to a woman, a daughter, a mother, and a wife who was overwhelmed and lost. The children are now grown and in college.
The daughter is becoming a nurse.
This is what nursing is about. Hugging people or holding their hands before they leave this earth — becoming a part of these families and getting to witness them doing well years later. They remember you and what you did for them just as much as you remember them.
Life has had its ups and downs. But I witnessed the most beautiful waves of humanity along the way. I am a success. Now I pray for more nurses because we need those who want more than a job — they want a career that’s also a way of life.
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