18 best books for nurses about grief, death and loss

When Breath Becomes Air – Paul Kalanithi

At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade’s training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, the next he was a patient struggling to live.

When Breath Becomes Air chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a medical student asking what makes a virtuous and meaningful life into a neurosurgeon working in the core of human identity – the brain – and finally into a patient and a new father.

Paul Kalanithi died while working on this profoundly moving book, yet his words live on as a guide to us all. When Breath Becomes Air is a life-affirming reflection on facing our mortality and on the relationship between doctor and patient, from a gifted writer who became both.

‘A vital book about dying. Awe-inspiring and exquisite. Obligatory reading for the living’ Nigella Lawson

The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion

From one of America’s iconic writers, a portrait of a marriage and a life – in good times and bad – that will speak to anyone who has ever loved a husband or wife or child. A stunning book of electric honesty and passion.

Several days before Christmas 2003, John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion saw their only daughter, Quintana, fall ill. At first they thought it was flu, then pneumonia, then complete sceptic shock. She was put into an induced coma and placed on life support. Days later – the night before New Year’s Eve -the Dunnes were just sitting down to dinner after visiting the hospital when John suffered a massive and fatal coronary. In a second, this close, symbiotic partnership of 40 years was over. Four weeks later, their daughter pulled through. Two months after that, arriving at LA airport, she collapsed and underwent six hours of brain surgery at UCLA Medical Centre to relieve a massive hematoma.

Being Mortal : Illness, Medicine and What Matters in the End – Atul Gawande

For most of human history, death was a common, ever-present possibility. It didn’t matter whether you were five or fifty – every day was a roll of the dice. But now, as medical advances push the boundaries of survival further each year, we have become increasingly detached from the reality of being mortal. So here is a book about the modern experience of mortality – about what it’s like to get old and die, how medicine has changed this and how it hasn’t, where our ideas about death have gone wrong. With his trademark mix of perceptiveness and sensitivity, Atul Gawande outlines a story that crosses the globe, as he examines his experiences as a surgeon and those of his patients and family, and learns to accept the limits of what he can do.

Bearing the Unbearable – Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

Not just for the bereaved, Bearing the Unbearable will be required reading for grief counselors, therapists and social workers, clergy of all varieties, educators, academics, and medical professionals. Organized into fifty-two accessible and stand-alone chapters, this book is also perfect for being read aloud in support groups.

The Beekeeper of Aleppo – Christy Lefteri

In the midst of war, he found love
In the midst of darkness, he found courage
In the midst of tragedy, he found hope

What will you find from his story?

Nuri is a beekeeper; his wife, Afra, an artist. They live a simple life, rich in family and friends, in the beautiful Syrian city of Aleppo – until the unthinkable happens. When all they care for is destroyed by war, they are forced to escape. As Nuri and Afra travel through a broken world, they must confront not only the pain of their own unspeakable loss, but dangers that would overwhelm the bravest of souls. Above all – and perhaps this is the hardest thing they face – they must journey to find each other again. Moving, powerful, compassionate and beautifully written, The Beekeeper of Aleppo is a testament to the triumph of the human spirit. Told with deceptive simplicity, it is the kind of book that reminds us of the power of storytelling.

The Salt Path – Raynor Winn

Just days after Raynor learns that Moth, her husband of 32 years, is terminally ill, their home is taken away and they lose their livelihood. With nothing left and little time, they make the brave and impulsive decision to walk the 630 miles of the sea-swept South West Coast Path, from Somerset to Dorset, via Devon and Cornwall. Carrying only the essentials for survival on their backs, they live wild in the ancient, weathered landscape of cliffs, sea and sky. Yet through every step, every encounter and every test along the way, their walk becomes a remarkable journey.

The Salt Path is an honest and life-affirming true story of coming to terms with grief and the healing power of the natural world. Ultimately, it is a portrayal of home, and how it can be lost, rebuilt and rediscovered in the most unexpected ways.

Wild : A Journey from Lost to Found – Cheryl Strayed

At twenty-six, Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. In the wake of her mother’s rapid death from cancer, her family disbanded and her marriage crumbled. With nothing to lose, she made the most impulsive decision of her life: to walk eleven-hundred miles of the west coast of America – from the Mojave Desert, through California and Oregon, and into Washington state – and to do it alone. She had no experience of long-distance hiking and the journey was nothing more than a line on a map. But it held a promise – a promise of piecing together a life that lay in ruins at her feet.

Strayed’s account captures the agonies – both mental and physical – of her incredible journey; how it maddened and terrified her, and how, ultimately, it healed her. Wild is a brutal memoir of survival, grief and redemption: a searing portrayal of life at its lowest ebb and at its highest tide.

The Invisible String – Patrice Karst

Obviously, the way a child comes to understand loss is quite different from the way an adult does. When it comes to explaining death to young children, Cirlin recommends finding books that “help to contextualize the role of change, loss, and death in our lives” by finding metaphors in nature or the world at large. Four of our experts cited The Invisible String as a go-to book “that skillfully communicates to children the reassuring meaning of attachment and its importance in all kinds of losses,” says Kreitzman. Gerstein adds that she loves this book “because it can be used to discuss any type of loss” and the metaphor of the string is easily understood by children of all ages.

Grief Is the Thing with Feathers – Max Porter

Winner of the 2016 International Dylan Thomas Prize and the Sunday Times/Peter, Fraser + Dunlop Young Writer of the Year award and shortlisted for the Guardian First Book Award and the Goldsmiths Prize.

In a London flat, two young boys face the unbearable sadness of their mother’s sudden death. Their father, a Ted Hughes scholar and scruffy romantic, imagines a future of well-meaning visitors and emptiness. In this moment of despair they are visited by Crow – antagonist, trickster, healer, babysitter. This sentimental bird is drawn to the grieving family and threatens to stay until they no longer need him.

This extraordinary debut, full of unexpected humour and emotional truth, marks the arrival of a thrilling and significant new talent.

You Can Heal Your Life – Louise Hay

Full of ideas and strategies that have worked for millions of people worldwide. You Can Heal Your Life, the definitive bestselling book on self-healing, has transformed the lives of millions of people. This is a book that people credit with profoundly altering their awareness of the impact that the mind has on our health and wellbeing.

In this inspirational work, world renowned teacher Louise L. Hay offers profound insight into the relationship between the mind and the body. Exploring the way that limiting thoughts and ideas control and constrict us, she offers us a powerful key to understanding the roots of our physical diseases and discomforts.This practical self-help guide will change the way you think forever!

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close – Jonathan Safran Foer

Nine-year-old Oskar Schell embarks on an urgent, secret mission that will take him through the five boroughs of New York. His goal is to find the lock that matches a mysterious key that belonged to his father, who died in the World Trade Center on the morning of September 11. This seemingly impossible task will bring Oskar into contact with survivors of all sorts of an exhilarating, affecting, often hilarious, and ultimately healing journey. With humor, tenderness, and awe, Jonathan Safran Foer confronts the traumas of our country’s difficult history.

With the End in Mind : How to Live and Die Well – Kathryn Mannix

What if everything you thought you knew about death was wrong?

How should we prepare for the facts of dying and saying our goodbyes?

And what if understanding death improved your life?

By turns touching and tragic, funny and wise, With the End in Mind brings together Kathryn Mannix ‘ s lifetime of medical experience to tell powerful stories of life and death.

I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye – Brook Noel & Pamela D. Blair

The grief book that just “gets it.” Whether you’re grieving the sudden loss of a loved one or helping someone else through their grief, I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye offers a comforting hand to help guide you through the grieving process, from the first few weeks to the longer-term emotional and physical effects. It then reveals some of the myths of the grieving process and what really happens as you navigate through the pain.

How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies – Therese A. Rando

Mourning the death of a loved one is a process all of us will go through at one time or another. But wherever the death is sudden or anticipated, few of us are prepared for it or for the grief it brings. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each person’s response to loss will be different. Now, in this compassionate, comprehensive guide (previously published as Grieving), Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., bereavement specialist and author of Loss and Anticipatory Grief, leads you gently through the painful but necessary process of grieving and helps you find the best way for yourself.

The Other Side of Sadness – George A. Bonanno

In The Other Side of Sadness, psychologist and emotions expert George Bonanno argues otherwise. Our inborn emotions – anger and denial but also relief and joy – help us deal effectively with loss. To expect or require only grief-stricken behaviour from the bereaved does them harm. In fact, grieving goes beyond mere sadness and it can actually deepen interpersonal connections and even lead to a new sense of meaning in life.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes : And Other Lessons from the Crematorium – Caitlin Doughty

From her first day at Westwind Cremation & Burial, twenty-three-year-old Caitlin Doughty threw herself into her curious new profession. Coming face-to-face with the very thing we go to great lengths to avoid thinking about, she started to wonder about the lives of those she cremated and the mourning families they left behind, and found herself confounded by people’s erratic reactions to death. Exploring our death rituals – and those of other cultures – she pleads the case for healthier attitudes around death and dying. Full of bizarre encounters, gallows humour and vivid characters (both living and very dead), this illuminating account makes this otherwise terrifying subject inviting and fascinating.

Competitive Grieving – Nora Zelevansky

In this buzzing novel, Wren’s rising star best friend from childhood, Stewart, has passed and she wonders if she even really knew the so called extension of herself. This important and comedic book shows how hard it is to lament amidst love and life.